I work for a magazine that prospers on resolve—particularly the kind that surfaces after Christmas, when guys across the country wake up to the doughy, smoldering ruins of their plans to end the year leaner, stronger, more-contented, and solvent.
What follows are what’s called New Year’s Resolutions. This year, judging by traffic at the Web site, guys reverted to slovenly form by Jan. 15. That’s nearly a resolve-free zone—which points out to me that we have this whole New Year’s Resolution thing all wrong. I have a solution:
- First, move the Super Bowl to Saturday.
- Second, declare the day after the Super Bowl New Year’s Day.
This would get American men’s sport-circadian rhythms in sync with their better selves.
The problem with the current calendar is it’s all wrong. Jan. 1 is not the end of the holiday season; it’s merely the midpoint, between Thanksgiving and Roger Goodell’s shindig.
Blame the NFL. Its playoffs continue through the first month of the year, with enough wings, beer, and chips to scuttle any diet plan, and enough hours of gametime spread across the limited hours of daylight to seriously cramp any desire to get off the couch and, you know, DO SOMETHING.
So guys don’t—until the Monday after the Super Bowl, when they have the same feeling they did on Dec. 28 or so—that their weight, their discipline, and their waistline have gotten away from them and need to be reeled in. And have you seen the credit card statements?!? It’s time for austerity measures.
So let’s simplify this, for guys, at least. The Super Bowl moves to Saturday; it’s dumb that it occurs on Sunday and makes people choose between staying with the game to its conclusion or getting ready for a workday, anyway. You shouldn’t need choose—and the Super Bowl is a far better way to wrap up the year than Ryan Seacrest and Jenny McCarthy drunk-groping people in Times Square anyway. On Saturday, everyone can watch and know that they have the next day off, because it will be, you know, New Year’s Day.
And it’s a pretty good New Year’s Day. No dumb bowl games or parades. Just a chance to get up, go to church, and get started on the resolutions to drop 10 (or 20) pounds, to finish paying off that credit card horse collar that is dragging you down, to solve that relational shitstorm that you’ve put off for two months because it was the holidays.
Well, it’s not the holidays. It’s better. The days are getting warmer, and brighter, and longer. And you have some time and open calendar in front of you to use as you wish. Basically, this is the chance to start anew, guys. So let’s just formalize it.
My only question is: ladies, what do YOU say? Do you want to start the new year on Jan. 1 or the first Sunday of February?