kevdonahue

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Digital journalist, occasional marketer. Inherent optimist, hopeful cynic, dad and grand-guy, universalist.
  • Some Thoughts on ‘Zero Dark Thirty’

    Some Thoughts on ‘Zero Dark Thirty’

    Caught the movie on Friday night with friends at the pretty swanky Ambler Theater. It’s very good, obviously. That said …

    • The movie was too long (but I always say that). If you could meld several characters into Maya, then you could have telescoped some of the early stuff into a more compact version of the Torture Years.
    • Having the guy from “Parks and Rec” as a Navy SEAL really made me think that becoming a Navy SEAL can’t be THAT hard.
    • The last 45 minutes are as riveting as anything I’ve seen in years.
    • If I don’t see someone tortured for a long while, it’ll still be too soon. I think the charges that the movie justified torture were overblown. But I still find watching it excruciating. I know that’s why it’s done, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
    • All that said, Katherine Bigelow was robbed of a best director nomination (There’s little in Silver Linings Playbook that warranted a top director honor, for example).
    • Best movie? It certainly has to be in the final mix on my list, with Beasts of the Southern Wild and Silver Linings Playbook.
    • I still need to see Life of Pi.
  • Self-Evident, but not Self-Executing

    Self-Evident, but not Self-Executing

    I’m not much of a nap person, never have been. But if you wanted to put money on a fairly good proposition, bet that I will take a nap on the afternoon of Martin Luther King Day.

    For the last several years, I have co-chaired the service projects at the Unitarian Society of Germantown with my friend the Rev. Kent Matthies. This year we had more than 25 projects and more than 550 volunteers involved in the good work of celebrating Dr. King’s legacy. People made food for those who are hungry, they pulled together winter weather kits to help those who lack a warm and safe home, and cared for people and places that could use it (I’ve included some photos). It’s one of those days in every year that leaves you thinking that yes, we all really do value the same things, and want to see a world where everyone is celebrated, protected, and valued.

    And this year, it was doubly meaningful with the second inauguration of President Obama. The church, at some expense and with a great deal of effort, managed to livestream the inaugural address into the sanctuary, where people could sit and watch after completing their service projects. About 100 made it back in time to catch the President’s speech. It was awesome to not be alone, watching at home, as the president spoke to a huge crowd in Washington. It made the event communal. I don’t write much about politics here, but I was heartened by the way President Obama sketched out a graph in which the arc of moral progress stretched from our Founding Fathers through Dr. King to today. And it left me thinking: Where am I am on that arc? How do I keep myself in touch with it?

    And I guess the answer is a bit like our rights, which the president explained:

    History tells us that while these truths may be self-evident, they have never been self-executing.

    The way for me to stay connected to the arc of progress is to keep moving, keep stretching, keep exhausting myself in connection with the world that is and pursuit of the world that could be.

    So I guess I’ll keep napping away the late afternoon on Martin Luther King Day. The photos:

  • Food, the Final Frontier

    Food, the Final Frontier

    One of the truths of Kelly’s struggles with inflammatory bowel disease is that we’ve tried to manage it with medicine. While we’ve often noticed that rest, sleep and stress play a part as triggers, we’ve always focused on which medicine will give him the best opportunity to live symptom-free.

    Lately, though, we’re moving—or being moved by circumstance—to try a different approach. When he was first diagnosed more than 4 years ago, he took a boatload of pills (Pentasa) throughout the day. Then we went to every-8-weeks infusions of Remicade. Both of those “held” for roughly 2 years. The Remicade, in particular, was a godsend. It really kept things quiet.

    But over the summer, Kelly developed a severe allergy to Remicade (not uncommon, as its origins are with mice) and he came off that. In its place, he switched to Humira, which has proven less effective. We’re n our second hospitalization in 3 months.  We’re going to add another drug, methotrexate, to the mix.

    Which is all fine and good. But all this switching has us wondering if there isn’t more to be done on our side. While it’s never spoken of here at CHOP clinically, there’s quite a bit of research on diet and IBD, and how it feeds the bacteria community of your gut.

    The research suggests that a Western-style, high-carb diet feeds a lot of the bad actors in your GI tract and does little for the good guys.

    So we’re thinking it’s time that we stepped up and did what we can. Maybe that’s a little. Maybe that’s a lot. Either way, we’ll know we’re doing what we can to stay as inflammation-free as possible.

    Here’s what we’re thinking:

    • Fewer carbs. I doubt we’ll ever get to super-low carbs. But we can cut A LOT of processed stuff out of what we eat daily. (Please, nobody watch my tearful goodbye with that chicken quesadilla I always have near.)
    • Bye-bye, milk. This is more of an experiment. Milk has lots of good stuff in it, but there’s ample evidence it’s inflammatory, too. This will be tough, as Kelly is a big milk fan. He likes some kinds of tea, so we’ll try some of that and fizzy waters (without sugar) to fill the beverage category.
    • We’re all in. Kelly will not be doing this alone. We think if we all do it, we’ll invest enough in the meal preparation and selection that it’ll actually taste, you know, good. And we all (excepting Virginia) could stand to clean up what we eat at mealtime. (Virginia needs to clean up what she eats outside mealtimes.)

    So that’s a start. Much more to figure out. And we all would welcome ideas on recipes, advice, and strategies. Apparently, this is our resolution for 2013. Hopefully it lasts beyond February.

  • Needed a Laugh

    20130110-233721.jpg
    And Kelly provided it during a test called an MRE. Given hospital clothes to wear, he spread them out and saw we could fit most of Philadelphia in these pants.

    Hey hey hey… It’s Faaaaaaat Kelly!

    Glad we had a laugh on a hard day. The test behind him, he got to eat a little and hopefully he’ll be feeling better soon.

  • Surprising Oscar Nominees

    Surprising Oscar Nominees

    I am not a big film watcher, but I like them when I see them, so the nominations this morning were interesting. You can see the full list here, and there are plenty more engaged fans than me (see @johngilpatrick, among others) , but here are my initial thoughts.

    Best Film

    With 12 nominations, I get that Lincoln is now the heavy favorite. And I might go that way when I have to fill out my ballot for my friend Carol’s Oscar night pool. But … but … I really want to go for Beasts of the Southern Wild. And I say this all having not seen Zero Dark Thirty. But it is hard to imagine it winning when Kathryn Bigelow didn’t get a best director nod (hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves). Happiest moment: When I realized The Impossible, which I really didn’t like, didn’t make the list. Saddest moment: When I realized Moonrise Kingdom, which I adored, hadn’t, as well.

    Best Actor

    Daniel Day-Lewis. Next.

    Best Actress

    Jennifer Lawrence or Jessica Chastain? Like I said, I haven’t seen ZD30, but I’m going that way regardless. I loved Hushpuppy, but you don’t get an Oscar when you’re 6 years old.

    Best Director

    Haven’t seen Life of Pi, but I usually think that seeing the movies only screws up my picks. So I’m going Ang Lee. He’s an Academy favorite, the movie is generally well-received (with 11 nominations) and this is the place to honor it. Sorry, Steven Spielberg. Kinda shocked Bigelow didn’t make this list, and Wes Anderson, too. Michael Haneke, David O. Russell, and Benh Zeitlin surprised me. I really liked Silver Linings Playbook, but it was not directorially amazing, I didn’t think.

    I’ll offer up some thoughts on the rest of the list when we get closer to the big night, and we’ll see where I land on Best Picture, so that’s it for now. I guess I need to see ZD30 and Life of Pi, pronto.

  • 4 Tips for Parents in a Hospital

    4 Tips for Parents in a Hospital

    I’m no medical expert, but I’ve unfortunately spent more than my fair share of time in hospitals with my son who suffers from a GI condition. Here are some things I try to remember—to stay sane, to be a good advocate for my child, and to get out of here as quickly as possible.

    1. You’re not the expert, so don’t act like one. I am a bit of a sponge around facts—I pick them up, swish them around in my head, give them a good looking over. I develop opinions. But the thing is, I’m not a doctor. I don’t have the experience to discern the best options. I don’t even know the best place to start. My job is to let the doctor be the doctor.

    2. You are your child’s advocate, so act like it. If the doctor is the expert on medicine, I am the expert on my kid. Between my wife and I, we have observed, in excruciating detail, the progress of his progress and his setbacks. While I have to respect the doc’s expertise, (s)he has to respect my experience. And we both need to respect …

    3. Your kid is the ultimate authority. It’s his or her lived experience. I often think I know what he is feeling. And I’m often surprised when I let my son answer the questions about his lived experience. Especially about pain. The point is, my arrogance is thinking I know you better than you do … well, it’s not my best me. One way to get back there is to remember #4.

    4. In a hospital, somebody has it worse than you. I’m not saying your suffering doesn’t matter. Or that this is fun. Hey, every parent and every child is having a shitty day in the hospital. Nobody is excited to be here. But especially with the younger kids, bringing them a smile or some joy is essential—not just for them, but for me. And that goes for my dealings with parents, too, who so often are dealing with burdens and despairs that they just don’t want their kid to know. Everyone carries a burden. Even the staff, who make the tradeoff to be around all this suffering in order to help with it—to alleviate it, to cure it, or just to bear it. It’s sacred space and time—and I’ll be happy when we’re out of here.

  • Sick of Sick

    Sick of Sick

    Our 15-year-old son walked into our bedroom at 2:20 last night, and asked if he could make some pasta. This is not a common request. But when your kid has been unable to keep food down for 4-5 days, you don’t quibble.

    “Sure,” I say.

    “There’s chicken noodle soup in the fridge,” my wife adds.

    And Kelly disappears to his early morning meal.

    He’s been unable to eat much at all for at least 4 days now, and it’s gotten to the point he’s tired—of puking, of nausea, of how disgusting food smells when you are sick. Tired of even trying.

    What’s more, he’s tired of his current medicine, Humira, which requires a weekly, painful shot, and has yet to prove very effective. “Why do I even need to keep getting the shot?” he complains.

    He’s tired of the exhaustion. Tired of the diarrhea. Tired of blood in his stool. Of the smell. Of feeling like crap.

    Can’t say I blame him. Being sick sucks. I haven’t been really sick since I was 17 and had pneumonia. I missed a week of school. That’s it. I’ve never even broken a bone. When I was in kindergarten or first grade, in the winter, I cut my hand while ice skating in the woods, then proceeded to fall and reopen the wound several times over a month’s time. (I wasn’t very graceful, even then.) Eventually, I developed a fever and this fascinating red line began to inch from my wrist up my arm. I got a week out of school then, too, but the fever broke quickly and it never really hurt that much. I remember soaking my hand in warm water while watching “Sesame Street.”

    I don’t know much about being sick.

    My wife has had migraines. Her dad died in his 30s from pneumonia, after a life with muscular dystrophy. He had been born with a collapsed chest. Her brother has myasthenia graves, another muscular disease. She’s known illness. Heck, she’s known death.

    And yet, this, having a son with a chronic disease, is uncharted territory. For her. For me. For parents. Because it’s not supposed to be this way. Life is supposed to take out its capriciousness, its unfairness, on me, on us. Wanna make my back hurt for a year and a half, for no apparent reason? Go ahead. Have at it. I am the adult. There is suffering baked into the definition.

    Except that’s not quite true. The suffering is baked into all life. Even young ones. Even my young ones. And that is just about unbearable sometimes. Until I remember that nothing is promised us, that we make what we do of what we’re given, and that we’re given so much. The gratitude is there, if only I’ll stop to sense it.

    Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. – Maya Angelou

     

  • Driving Miss Daisy

    Driving Miss Daisy

    There are better places to read reviews of Hyde Park on the Hudson, about the first-ever visit by England’s king and queen, to America, in 1939, to ask Franklin Delano Roosevelt for America’s assistance in the impending war with Germany.

    It is as weird a movie as I’ve seen in a long time. Bill Murray is a charmer as FDR, but Laura Linney is pretty much wasted in a role as FDR’s distant cousin, Daisy, who becomes a mistress. The movie is slow and the cinematography gets in the way with all this weird foreground-background focusing.  Unfortunately, the most memorable part of the movie is also the worst: it’s the most uncomfortable car ride I’ve ever seen on film, culminating with Daisy servicing Franklin, the car bouncing jauntily. It was awful, and had me cringing every time Murray drove in the rest of the movie (which was often).

    Hyde Park on the Hudson is as weird a movie as I’ve seen in a long time

    Speaking of sexually repressed guys, Virginia and I saw Hitchcock last weekend. It’s the re-telling of the making of Psycho, and Hellen Mirren is very good as Hitchcock’s wife, as are the actors who play Anthony Perkins and Janet Leigh (Scarlett Johannson). Not bad, but it seemed to score only a glancing blow on the mordant wit of the great director. He was funnier than Anthony Hopkins, from what I remember of late-night re-runs of his TV show when I was a wee lad.

  • The A's for the Holidays

    IMG_1806

    The Alexanders were over for a New Year’s Eve dinner (Sandy brought crab legs, Donahues provided steak), and we took this photo of Kelly, Pete, Jennifer and Mike. We had to separate Mike and Kelly, or their shirts might have thrown someone into an epileptic seizure. Pete and Jenn sure give good smile.

  • Aunt Doris' Xmas Present

    IMG_1802Pete liked it, though I think we could fit the entire family in the pants.

  • Merry Merry & All That

    As usual, we were in NJ for the holiday, but with a twist—Virginia and her mom got some time together alone on Christmas Eve in Pa., then joined us early Christmas Day.

     

  • My Favorite Movies of 2012

    My Favorite Movies of 2012

    It’s that time of the year, when everybody lists out their favorite movies. Here’s what I’ve seen this year, in order of how much I enjoyed them, and a list of films I’d like to see at some time.

    Moonrise Kingdom. This film set off a Wes Anderson filmfest in my house for the weeks after we saw this: The Royal Tanenbaums, Fantastic Mr. Fox, even (god help us) The Life Aquatic. We couldn’t find Rushmore for rent, which is a shame, because I liked that one best of all. Anyway, from the dollhouse intro to a great turn by Ed Norton as the scout leader (LOVED that tree house), to all that love-among-the-misfits-but-wait-the-misfits-are-us  fun, it was a pure joy. I dread what Anderson does next.

    Silver Linings Playbook. Wasn’t a perfect movie and, honestly, this isn’t an Eagles pick, but I found the whole thing very winning. I could watch Jennifer Lawrence all day long (though I have not seen Hunger Games, though I listened to the books) and Bradley Cooper goes from a schlub to a movie star at the end, which Virginia loved. The dance was great, DeNiro was fun, and I didn’t even remember that Chris Tucker used to be, well, Chris Tucker. I’d watch it again.

    Beasts of the Southern Wild. If you haven’t seen, you should. Quvenzhané Wallis and Dwight Henry are unbelievably compelling as a daughter-and-dad living in the Bathtub of Bayou Louisiana.

    Lincoln. Daniel Day-Lewis basically inhabits the 16th president of the United States in an amazing performance. The movie was OK—I mean, honestly, it was about how to push through legislation nobody thinks possible, but Day-Lewis and Sally Field were great. Recently read John Meacham’s bio of Thomas Jefferson, and Jefferson’s unwillingness to tackle a practice he absolutely knew was wrong (and compounded then by enslaving his own children) brought Lincoln’s courage and greatness in sharp relief.

    Argo. You go, Ben Affleck. Why he’s playing somebody named Tony Mendez, I don’t get, but he directed a taut, fun political thriller.

    Anna Karenina. Keira Knightley is luminous in this re-telling of Tolstoy’s masterpiece. Joe Wright plays up the artifice of 19th century Russian society by staging large parts of this on, well, a stage. It doesn’t take a whole lot of thinking to get his point, but, hey, it’s his movie, he did it splendidly, and it didn’t take away from Knightley. My one complaint: the cavalry officer she throws it all away for was a rather unattractive mess. Ah, love.

    Prometheus. Did it make a lot of sense? No. But people, it’s a horror movie. THEY NEVER MAKE SENSE! Ridley Scott can sure create a world. Dunno if I’ll go catch the sequel, though.

    Hitchcock: I liked it, but I also thought the movie missed out on Hitch’s glib humor. What I remember of his old TV show, he was way funnier than Anthony Hopkins. Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel were gorgeous, and Johansson did a very credible Janet Leigh. The idea of a lecherous director and Johansson makes me think of … of …

    To Rome with Love. Just glad that Woody Allen now lets somebody a half-century younger get the girl. And frankly, you can have Ellen Page.

    The Impossible. If Naomi Watts wins an Academy Award for this film, I’m out of the Oscar forecasting business. I thought she was OK, and the effects were amazing, but the film’s (non)treatment of the deaths of 140,000 brown people was pretty appalling. And the dad’s decision to abandon his surviving kids to blindly search for his wife and son was just maddening. By some dumb luck, it all worked out, and I’m thankful—for them. But I pretty much never want to hear a word about this film again.

    Jeff Who Lives at Home. It’s been six months and I still have to say, the worst movie I have seen in years. Appallingly, embarrassingly bad. Ed Helms, Susan Sarandon and Jason Segal should have returned their paychecks and the Duplass brothers should be banned from making movies. I mean, forever.

    What I would still like to see:

    • Skyfall
    • Django Unchained
    • The Hunger Games
    • The Dark Knight Also Rises
    • The Master
    • Life of Pi
    • Looper
    • Seven Psychopaths
    • Flight
    • Hitchcock
    • Zero Dark Thirty
    • Brave